A dirty house doesn't make you a bad person

I hired a couple of people to come clean my house. Those who know me well, know that my house is not clean. Sometimes it is dirty, but almost always it is messy. It is something I have struggled with all my days. My room at home often made my mother cringe. I like things clean and tidy. I am not good at making them that way or keeping them that way. Even when I have the best intention of doing so.... I guess that's way down on my priority list.

I have emotionally beat myself up over my lack of housework prowess. It has been a source of humiliation and guilt for me. I often felt like a bad person for having a messy, sometimes dirty house. I often don't want people to come over and discover my "dirty little secret." This was also a HUGE source of discontent in my marriage. I married a man who once came home from a work trip and said "I see the house is a pig sty, and the pig is sitting on the couch." Harsh, but not as bad as the things I had been telling myself for many years.

One of my very best friends, whose house is often gorgeous and almost always "company ready" said to me one day, "Lisa, having a messy house, or even a messy life does not make you a bad person!" I cried. Inside I thought to myself, "Yes. It does." Many of my friends have messy houses and messy lives. I would never think that made them bad people. No, only I deserve such unkind treatment. I wasn't ready to accept her hypothesis where I was concerned, but my friend's words stayed with me, echoing somewhere in the back of my mind.

So, I almost reverted back to my self-defeating way of thinking when my hired hands arrived today. They were awed by the mess. There was much discussion between them about how "bad" it was, how "dirty" and "filthy." After a few hours one came to me and said, "This is just overwhelming. We don't even know how to tackle this." Meanwhile, they had made the kitchen spotless.

I replied, "Yes. I know that feeling very well. That's how it got this way. I know it is a big mess, but I guess you tackle it one room at a time." I told myself, "Having a dirty house doesn't make you a bad person."

The cleaning gal asked, "Don't you have any friends who will come and help you?"

I smiled and shook my head no. I didn't tell her that my friends have their own messy houses. When we are together, it is so much more important for us to enjoy our time, laughing, discussing current events, books we've read. I need just as much help letting off steam from my stressful life. I value their friendship so much. I would rather spend the little money I have and give someone the opportunity to make a living by being good at what I am not good at. I didn't say that either, but I thought it. And the thought of having a coffee, prowling the bookstore, enjoying a well-cooked meal with my many friends made me smile even bigger.

I know there are ways to overcome this problem of mine. I know that I could add more stress to my life by constantly being angry at my kids (and myself) for not doing their share. Actually, that's exactly what I have been doing for years. I think my friend's words finally hit home. I can be a bad housekeeper. It really is okay. It doesn't define me. How freeing to just let it go and know that I still have worth, value and goodness. Even when my house is an overwhelming mess!